They`re not agreements. All they say is what can be expected of you. One agreement would be: „We will do our best to preserve our own mental and physical health, safety and well-being – and we will help each other if we do not succeed alone.“ As a polyamorous relationships coach, I`m really curious about what motivates people to make the decisions they make. There is certainly a degree of uncertainty in the practice of polyamory. If you are curious about the poly-lifestyle, you want to feel a little grounded in this uncertainty. Some people want to create a structure in their relationship to feel safer. Some do it to feel more control. Others want to know that what they currently have will not be lost (a variation in security). Yet others want the freedom to do what they want, creating a situation that allows them to do so, usually with a certain degree of restrictions (a variation in control). All these things make sense to me, and I always come back to the intention of the desired action; the energy that is used to create the type of life, the kind of relationship that is the most open, the freest, the most aligned, the most harmonious with ourselves with the people we treat. The reason for these agreements (and also the fact that they are different between the two relationships) is that I would like to know what is going on, which could affect our relationship so that I can prepare mentally.
I suppose I could live without this agreement, but it would be more difficult, and frankly, I would also be worried if my partners felt they can`t share such a thing with me. Notice again what you notice. What feelings, emotions, emotions, thoughts, stories, etc. occur for you when you read the definitions of agreement and correspondence? How does your experience of these words change if you look at polyamorous and polyamorous relationships? Take a minute to take a mental note or write down your observation. Breathe. I recently discovered that there was a lot of bad information about Poly, and I put together some sort of simple list of my thoughts. Poly chords are usually the best negotiated at the beginning of a relationship, but they help define them over time, and people can refer to that if there are problems in determining where the problems are when they arise. These could help, and they are the ones I do with my partners. They have to be reciprocal. Instead, our agreements are oriented towards transparency.
For more information on how to prepare for relationship, including examples of real relationship agreements, check out my book A Geek`s Guide to Unicorn Ranching. When I started my trip to Polyamory, I had to decide what was healthy for me in my relationships. I ended up writing down my limits and limits. These limits apply primarily to me and are reminiscent of sound practices, but since most points essentially spell out what I consider to be respect and ethical behaviour, I maintain most of the same standards (after having communicated clearly about it). I go over and over again to make sure it matches what I want (you can check at the bottom of the page to see the update data). I posted it here, not because it`s the all-butt of the poly-manifestos, but because it might help others find where to start, even if it`s supposed to do the opposite of what I want and what I need.